Introducing …

It is time our new addition makes her appearance. Robert, Tobias and I welcomed a beautiful and healthy baby girl in April.

Meet our Hailey!

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Hailey has been an excellent addition to our family and is as sweet as can be. I have put off this post for quite some time since I was struggling with my own well-being, so my Hailey Bug is almost 6 months old now.

She is honestly such a joy and is learning to find her voice. She adores her older brother, and he is smitten with her. In fact, Tobias is the one who got Hailey to laugh for the first time.

There are so many stories I could tell, but I think it may be better just to show some of her moments over the last few months.

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There will be more updates on Hailey and Tobias to come.

Each day I continue to discover my own heart and what the Lord has in store for me.

Love,

Sarah ❤

Don’t Lose Your Joy

It’s inevitable that when you are content and happy with how life is going there is a curve ball thrown. Not only is it coming toward you — it’s coming to bowl you over. Just know, it’s ok to fall, but you have a choice of getting back up.

Throughout my pregnancy, things have been going extremely well other than once again dealing with gestational diabetes. My lovely baby is growing properly, I haven’t gained too much weight and everything is on track.

My curveball is that I may not be able to deliver my baby the way I intended with a VBAC, but there is also the possibility that I could. This is all due to the uncertainty of my gestational diabetes and the risks that come with prolonging my pregnancy. Unlike other moms who can wait until the baby is ready, that puts me and the baby at a great risk of complications.

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Talk about playing with a hormonal pregnant women’s emotions!

I’ve been working on being more present in life and to stop focusing on things I cannot control, this has gone a long way, I think, with my family and the amount of stress I have taken off of them because I have taken it off myself.

I have been enjoying all the small moments of each day, every laugh, every tickle fight and all the tantrums and stubbornness that teaches me that I am raising a strong-willed and caring toddler.

This strategy of slowing down has done so much for my anxiety as well and now I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. However, today’s doctors’ appointment almost ruined my mindset.

Not stressing out the future has been oddly freeing and I have embraced it these last few weeks. When I heard that there could be complications with my pregnancy after just hearing that I was doing so well, I felt the panic rise in my chest. It almost took root in my mind and I could feel the virus of stress wanting to take over.

Thankfully, this morning I remember hearing God say to me “be anxious for nothing, and pray about everything.”

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One of my goals this week was to find joy in every moment and his words I took as a reinforcement of that goal.

It is so true that Satan and life try to steal our joy. I have been so happy these last few weeks and that was a moment that could have destroyed it all, but I won’t let it.

I cannot control the future.

I cannot dictate when this baby will be born.

I cannot make my desires a reality.

But I can control who I give power to. 

Everything is better in God’s hands and as I come to terms with reality I am more comforted by His ability to be my protector, my healer, my Abba Father than I was this morning.

My faith in His ability will not wavier.

I will rejoice in the Lord always.

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Find joy in every moment and cling to the promises of God. Do not let anything steal your joy!

❤ Sarah

Hot Mess Mom

Sibling Love
He normally isn’t interested in the belly, but more and more he is starting to get that a baby is coming!

Yep, that’s me!

I am a hot mess mom! I never have a clean kitchen for longer than 5 minutes and just as the laundry has been folded and put away another pile magically appears.

On weekends makeup barely makes it on my face and I am lucky if I get a chance to wash it!

Luckily, my family doesn’t mind, or at least they haven’t expressed that they find it to be annoying…other than my husband’s hatred for a dirty kitchen sink! 🙄😜

Napping Toddler
Piles of laundry on the bed and piles on the floor in the closet. Tobias doesn’t mind, he is passed out for his nap!

Officially, I have entered the third trimester and this pregnancy seems as though it is flying by. We just picked the paint color for the nursery for gosh sakes! Nothing is ready, including me.

I had planned on so many things, but life just keeps getting in the way! And by in the way, I mean keeping up with an active and loving toddler who just can’t sit still and loves to take adventures to the gym, store and more. He may also be slightly obsessed with Paw Patrol!

Tobias is excited to be a big brother, but he hasn’t fully grasped the whole concept. He is convinced that a baby is in my belly, but his (spoiler alert) baby sister is in his belly!

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I’m sure things will start to come together, and I know this baby will receive tons of love and attention, but man, do I feel behind on everything!

I’m proud that I am a working mom, but that does mean for the most part when I am home I have to prioritize my time and I will always pick spending time with my family over a clean house.

I will admit that I wish I had a house cleaning fairy! And if you are a full-time working parent and you have a super clean house more power to you!

For now, I’m content with my happy, messy home filled with great memories and lots of love.

❤ Sarah

Learning a Life Lesson

I’m human. That means I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be.

Emotions get the better of me, just like they do for everyone.

Anger is normal and feeling grumpy is normal. These emotions every human struggles with.

It’s important to me that I teach my son about his emotions, so that he knows its normal and that he can discover how to control them as he learns and grows.

Both of us had a lesson to learn this morning and I thought it was a good story to share. So, here it goes.

Tobias woke up extremely grumpy this morning, which is unlike him. I checked to make sure he wasn’t running a fever and everything else check out. He was just grumpy. Before we left the house, I told him, “Its okay to be grumpy, just don’t let that affect how you treat others.”

He glared at me and pouted out his little lips.

As we began our journey to work and daycare he increasingly got worse and let his grumpiness turn into actions. He began to treat me poorly and say things that I was shocked to hear from my normally sweet toddler.

I lost it – just like normal humans do. Even more so since I was in a hurry to get to work.

In a matter of a minute, I found myself being equally as mean, while also trying to correct behavior. (Momma fail: I do my best to not have double standards, but again- I’m human.)

Slowly, his face scrunched up and his lips curled back as he began to cry. More from me yelling then the words I was speaking.

 I stewed in my anger and then heard the Lord whisper, you have a choice here.

Glancing down at my clock I saw that I could still make it to work on time if I just kept driving, but one look back at my son and my choice was made.

Quickly, I found the nearest parking lot to pull into safely and I parked my car. Took a few deep breathes before I unlocked the doors, and walked back to my son.

His tears were staining his face and soon I couldn’t stop my own. I pulled him into a hug and told him I was sorry for yelling and that I didn’t mean to make him cry.

We talked about how we can be grumpy and be upset, but it was not right for us to treat others unkindly – a lesson we both needed to remember!

Alway be kind

His arms clung to my neck as he wiped his eyes and nose across my shirt.

“I sorry, momma,” he said.

“I’m sorry too,” I replied.

Pulling back from his embrace, his eyes still red from crying, I wiped away the remaining tears and just held my little boy.

“Watch mama,” I said as I moved my hands across my face to wipe at my own eyes. “I’m wiping off my anger and moving forward.”

He watched me intently and I could feel his spirits lifting.

“I wipe away my grumpy,” he said as he mimicked my actions.

He hugged me once more and then gave me a big kiss. I closed his door and began to walk back to my seat. I could feel the Lord still pulling at my heart and using the lesson to grow my character along with my sons.

We sat in silence for the rest of the car ride. I glanced back at him often and he just simply smiled, letting those cute dimples of his show.

Once we got to his daycare I grabbed his hand to lead him into the building and he smiled brightly up at me. “I love you, momma,” he said and squeezed my legs into the tightest hug he could manage.

I lowered my pregnant body down to him and squeezed him back. A tear dripped down my cheek

“I love you more,” I said. “Do you still feel grumpy?”

“Yes,” he said, “but I will be kind.” He smiled up at me and gave me one last kiss before he ran towards his friends.

I was late for work, but the Lord was right, I had a choice and I chose to take my time to teach my son. (He is more important!)

We are all human. We all make mistakes, but we also have a choice.

I want to choose to always be kinder than I feel, and I hope to teach this lesson to Tobias and my other child, earlier than I learned.

To me, it is important to remember to teach our children that is ok to be grumpy, angry, sad and happy; but regardless of how we are feeling, we must always treat each other with kindness.

Every lesson I teach is also a lesson for myself. Each lesson helps me to Discover My own Heart.

❤ Sarah

Personal Chaos

It seems as though everyone around me has found their balance in life, but for some reason, I feel like I’m about to topple over. Yet, I have given myself no choice, I must push through these emotions.

Since my last post, I have lost my grandfather and my husband has lost a great uncle that he was very close too.

Loss is a part of life, yes, but when it happens in waves over a family it takes longer for loved ones to grieve – since well, there are more things to grieve. It’s more difficult to process when it is around the holidays.

That is one segment of how life has been going.

Pregnancy has been a struggle thus far as well. I have officially hit the six-month mark, and once again have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. The struggles have been similar to my first pregnancy and I am dreading the bill that comes with all the extra ultrasounds and the doctor’s fees. Money is always a sore topic especially when you are doing all you can to save for a new baby and all of the expenses that come with it.

Then there is all the planning.

Tobias is thrilled to be a big brother, but I haven’t had a moment to focus on getting the nursery set up or even plan a baby shower. Yes, I know a lot of people are against having a baby shower for their second child, but in all honesty, I believe all babies deserve to be celebrated. After all, it isn’t about the presents. It’s about your excitement to have a beautiful new baby enter our world!

My teeter-totter has been swaying so much over all of my emotions that I am finding it hard to regain my footing. This is only the personal side of my story — there is a whole other aspect of my life that I do my best not to think about while blogging — work.

I love my job, but recently we have undergone some major changes so I also feel unbalanced at work as well. I have always wanted to control the uncontrollable, but I finally think I am at that point in my life when I should just say “heck with it,” and let the world continue to spin around the sun in a vast galaxy that couldn’t care less about my struggles to find balance.

Feeling unbalanced isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it gives us the chance to step back and really evaluate how we would like to move forward from this point.

After all, we can’t change the past we can only change what is happening right in front of us at this moment. Then, in turn, affect our futures.

Yes, I am struggling, that’s just life.

I am going to take this unbalanced season of my life and use it to shape the here and now. Finding my focus and putting everything I have into it. I may be swimming in a sea of doubt and uncertainty, but at least I’m not drowning yet.

There is always something to be thankful for.

❤ Sarah

Fighting For My Mind

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It is easy to fall into a rut and it doesn’t help when you have lost all motivation to try and climb out of it. In my experience, that is when Satan moves. He begins to whisper in my ear and as much as I try not to listen, I hear it.

He has been whispering…

I’m not worth anything.

I’m unloved and I am unworthy.

And since his games are not new I recognized them, but I wasn’t able to stop them from running ramped.

Over and over I ran those words through my mind and they slowly began attaching themselves.

Does my husband really love me?  

Why does he love me? 

I’m not worthy of love.

Why does God care about me when all I do is screw up?

These thoughts weighed heavy on my heart and they boggled my mind so that I was unable to think of anything that brought joy or clarity. This has been a daily occurrence for weeks and some of the things that happen throughout my day have pushed me deeper into the hole.

The thoughts are still there, lingering in the back of my mind. As I write this I can feel them bubbling up and trying to flood my senses with the failures that have happened over the last few weeks.

But something is different this time — I have chosen to focus on facts and not assumptions.

I know that my God is always good. He loves me and accepts me regardless of my shortcomings.

“He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.” – Ephesians 1:5 NIV

A child doesn’t need to earn their parents love, it is just there and God has freely given his love to all of us, it is just up to us to accept it.

I woke up this morning and a sense of understanding washed back all the thoughts that were swirling in my mind.

I am enough and I am His.  Just that one thought liberated me from all the burdens that I had clung to.

Satan is a master at planting thoughts in our minds to make us doubt and we are the masters at using those thoughts to hold us back from the everlasting love of our Abba Father.

You are loved and you are enough.

Always remember that!

❤ Sarah

Conflict

I haven’t lived on this earth long enough to know why things happen the way they do, but I learned enough in my 28 years of life to know I should never discount others feelings.

Recently I have been under so much stress with family and even with work that I forgot to act in love.

I thought that everything I did was kind and gentle, but I was wrong. My emotions, my tone, and even my body language did not display the love I have in my heart for everyone I meet.

At first, when this was pointed out to me I got defensive, but after reflecting I knew there had to be some value to the claim.

I’m not sure what caused me to hurt this person and I will continue to try to get to the bottom of it, but the main issue was that I didn’t show love and I didn’t show kindness.

Renee Swope has an amazing quote that I strive for daily: “I want to be a woman who overcomes obstacles by tackling them in faith instead of tiptoeing around them in fear.”

After the initial conversation with the individual, I inadvertently hurt I decided to go back to them and talk it out. I had no idea I was acting the way I was and I apologized for the way I acted. I also asked that they tell me if I do it again so I could be held accountable.

The underline problem I am still searching for. I am still not sure if there was something that triggered me to act this way or if I was just letting my stress out and it landed on them, These are the things I am still mulling over.

Conflict is always going to happen in life. That won’t change.

What can change, however, is how I handle it.

I am the kind of person that has to think about the conflict before I can find a solution and I have to make sure that I never present my case or my feelings while angry.

Every situation is different and how we handle these kinds of situations will be different, because we are all beautifully different! It is our differences that make us strong.

It is our differences that make us stronger.

When conflicts arise in life remember to think before speaking and remember that not everyone is like you, so the way you.

I’m happy that my coworker and I were able to move past this situation. Backing off and thinking helped me to see the validity of their statement and their concern and for that, I hope I was able to reverse how they saw me in that moment of conflict.

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❤ Sarah