Introducing …

It is time our new addition makes her appearance. Robert, Tobias and I welcomed a beautiful and healthy baby girl in April.

Meet our Hailey!

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Hailey has been an excellent addition to our family and is as sweet as can be. I have put off this post for quite some time since I was struggling with my own well-being, so my Hailey Bug is almost 6 months old now.

She is honestly such a joy and is learning to find her voice. She adores her older brother, and he is smitten with her. In fact, Tobias is the one who got Hailey to laugh for the first time.

There are so many stories I could tell, but I think it may be better just to show some of her moments over the last few months.

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There will be more updates on Hailey and Tobias to come.

Each day I continue to discover my own heart and what the Lord has in store for me.

Love,

Sarah ❤

Learning a Life Lesson

I’m human. That means I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be.

Emotions get the better of me, just like they do for everyone.

Anger is normal and feeling grumpy is normal. These emotions every human struggles with.

It’s important to me that I teach my son about his emotions, so that he knows its normal and that he can discover how to control them as he learns and grows.

Both of us had a lesson to learn this morning and I thought it was a good story to share. So, here it goes.

Tobias woke up extremely grumpy this morning, which is unlike him. I checked to make sure he wasn’t running a fever and everything else check out. He was just grumpy. Before we left the house, I told him, “Its okay to be grumpy, just don’t let that affect how you treat others.”

He glared at me and pouted out his little lips.

As we began our journey to work and daycare he increasingly got worse and let his grumpiness turn into actions. He began to treat me poorly and say things that I was shocked to hear from my normally sweet toddler.

I lost it – just like normal humans do. Even more so since I was in a hurry to get to work.

In a matter of a minute, I found myself being equally as mean, while also trying to correct behavior. (Momma fail: I do my best to not have double standards, but again- I’m human.)

Slowly, his face scrunched up and his lips curled back as he began to cry. More from me yelling then the words I was speaking.

 I stewed in my anger and then heard the Lord whisper, you have a choice here.

Glancing down at my clock I saw that I could still make it to work on time if I just kept driving, but one look back at my son and my choice was made.

Quickly, I found the nearest parking lot to pull into safely and I parked my car. Took a few deep breathes before I unlocked the doors, and walked back to my son.

His tears were staining his face and soon I couldn’t stop my own. I pulled him into a hug and told him I was sorry for yelling and that I didn’t mean to make him cry.

We talked about how we can be grumpy and be upset, but it was not right for us to treat others unkindly – a lesson we both needed to remember!

Alway be kind

His arms clung to my neck as he wiped his eyes and nose across my shirt.

“I sorry, momma,” he said.

“I’m sorry too,” I replied.

Pulling back from his embrace, his eyes still red from crying, I wiped away the remaining tears and just held my little boy.

“Watch mama,” I said as I moved my hands across my face to wipe at my own eyes. “I’m wiping off my anger and moving forward.”

He watched me intently and I could feel his spirits lifting.

“I wipe away my grumpy,” he said as he mimicked my actions.

He hugged me once more and then gave me a big kiss. I closed his door and began to walk back to my seat. I could feel the Lord still pulling at my heart and using the lesson to grow my character along with my sons.

We sat in silence for the rest of the car ride. I glanced back at him often and he just simply smiled, letting those cute dimples of his show.

Once we got to his daycare I grabbed his hand to lead him into the building and he smiled brightly up at me. “I love you, momma,” he said and squeezed my legs into the tightest hug he could manage.

I lowered my pregnant body down to him and squeezed him back. A tear dripped down my cheek

“I love you more,” I said. “Do you still feel grumpy?”

“Yes,” he said, “but I will be kind.” He smiled up at me and gave me one last kiss before he ran towards his friends.

I was late for work, but the Lord was right, I had a choice and I chose to take my time to teach my son. (He is more important!)

We are all human. We all make mistakes, but we also have a choice.

I want to choose to always be kinder than I feel, and I hope to teach this lesson to Tobias and my other child, earlier than I learned.

To me, it is important to remember to teach our children that is ok to be grumpy, angry, sad and happy; but regardless of how we are feeling, we must always treat each other with kindness.

Every lesson I teach is also a lesson for myself. Each lesson helps me to Discover My own Heart.

❤ Sarah

Personal Chaos

It seems as though everyone around me has found their balance in life, but for some reason, I feel like I’m about to topple over. Yet, I have given myself no choice, I must push through these emotions.

Since my last post, I have lost my grandfather and my husband has lost a great uncle that he was very close too.

Loss is a part of life, yes, but when it happens in waves over a family it takes longer for loved ones to grieve – since well, there are more things to grieve. It’s more difficult to process when it is around the holidays.

That is one segment of how life has been going.

Pregnancy has been a struggle thus far as well. I have officially hit the six-month mark, and once again have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. The struggles have been similar to my first pregnancy and I am dreading the bill that comes with all the extra ultrasounds and the doctor’s fees. Money is always a sore topic especially when you are doing all you can to save for a new baby and all of the expenses that come with it.

Then there is all the planning.

Tobias is thrilled to be a big brother, but I haven’t had a moment to focus on getting the nursery set up or even plan a baby shower. Yes, I know a lot of people are against having a baby shower for their second child, but in all honesty, I believe all babies deserve to be celebrated. After all, it isn’t about the presents. It’s about your excitement to have a beautiful new baby enter our world!

My teeter-totter has been swaying so much over all of my emotions that I am finding it hard to regain my footing. This is only the personal side of my story — there is a whole other aspect of my life that I do my best not to think about while blogging — work.

I love my job, but recently we have undergone some major changes so I also feel unbalanced at work as well. I have always wanted to control the uncontrollable, but I finally think I am at that point in my life when I should just say “heck with it,” and let the world continue to spin around the sun in a vast galaxy that couldn’t care less about my struggles to find balance.

Feeling unbalanced isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it gives us the chance to step back and really evaluate how we would like to move forward from this point.

After all, we can’t change the past we can only change what is happening right in front of us at this moment. Then, in turn, affect our futures.

Yes, I am struggling, that’s just life.

I am going to take this unbalanced season of my life and use it to shape the here and now. Finding my focus and putting everything I have into it. I may be swimming in a sea of doubt and uncertainty, but at least I’m not drowning yet.

There is always something to be thankful for.

❤ Sarah

Small Victories

Tobias is one of the pickiest eaters I have ever met, and I have met a lot!

Maybe it is because I never let him eat from my plate, or maybe that is just who he is. Either way, I find it to be extremely irritating.

I hear the same advice all the time, “he will eat when he is hungry.”

Yes, I know, but the trick is getting him something he will actually eat when he is hungry!

I have tried switching up meats for him to try, but that never seems to go well. Once he ate a chicken nugget and I was so thrilled I literally jumped up and down.

I looked like an idiot, but I didn’t care.

Guess what! He hasn’t eaten one since then. Of course, he will dip it in the ketchup and lick the ketchup off of the chicken, but he won’t bite into the chicken.

Toddlers!

Need I say more?

We go through the same routine every night when its time for dinner. He runs over to his chair, sits himself down and inspects his plate. Then he will point to each thing given to him and waits for me to tell him what they are.

I have never given him pork, simply because we don’t eat it often in our house, but this night was different and I served him a pork cutlet.

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So he started with his favorite item on the plate; ketchup.

Tobias points at it smiling and I say “that’s ketchup.”

He giggles and moves on.

He always points to the other items that aren’t meat first.I explain what each is as he smiles, but still nothing has gone into his mouth yet.

Finally he gets to the pork. The smile is gone from his face. He points at it and looks up at me.

“That’s pork.”

Now I seem to have gotten his attention. He is now really watching me. He inspects it further and then points again. And again I tell him its pork.

What does he do? He picks it up, smells it and then dips it in the ketchup.

I’m thinking well he we go again, another meal my child won’t eat.

Then it happens, the pork made it into this mouth, and it was the first thing he finished!

He consumed three servings of food that night!

The one thing I put on his plate that I thought he would eat, he ignored. Sorry sweet potatoes.

It isn’t much, but it is a small victory. After two months of him wanting nothing to do with the meals I prepared, he finally ate something!

His stomach was so full that you could see it popping out of his shirt!

Current Score: Tobias: 2,599 —Mom: 1

I’ll still take it!

One Day At A Time

Kids are great, but sometimes you can feel your sanity slipping away. For me, this is especially true when I should be asleep. Every parent can relate, I’m sure!

There is always something to be thankful for.

Last night was one of those nights where all my patience vanished.

Poor Tobias, I know he was tired, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. I tried everything: Rocking, walking with him, letting him cry it out etc.—nothing worked!

Just when I thought things were calming down he would wake back up. You know what I mean, right? You finally find that comfortable position and it’s like they know! As soon as I relaxed–BAM the crying started!

Now typically we would let him fall back asleep on his own, but he was keeping our neighbors awake (the downside to living in an apartment).

I lost my mind last night and parent guilt took over (and yes it truly is a thing).

“What if he is sick?” 

“What if he is teething?” 

“You can’t even calm your own child.”

All these things ran through my head along with…

“I just want sleep.”

“Oh my gosh child, just calm down.” 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” 

Tobias and I ended up on the couch around 4 am this morning, and finally he fell asleep. Soon after my alarm went off so that I could get everything ready for the day. I had no motivation to move. That is when I looked over at my sleeping, almost two-year-old and whispered “I am indeed blessed.” 

God made children cute for a reason people! So that when you are at your wits end they will do something that you can’t help but smile at. It’s like magic! You can have all your anger built up and then WHAM there is that cute smile and a hug and kiss. Melts my heart.

Parents you know what I am talking about!

Last night it was seeing him finally fall asleep and just knowing that I was entrusted with this strong-willed toddler for a reason. I was chosen to be his mother. And even thought I was sleep deprived I was still on duty.

Psalms 127:3-4 (NIV) “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.” 

The old cliché is true, we do have to take it one day at a time and even one moment at a time.

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 With each movement my heart grows a little bigger and my life is a little brighter.

Sarah

 

3 Ways I Conquer Fear

Fear is normal.

Fear is scary.

I will not let fear control me. As a planner, I try to control way too much. I plan my day, I plan my husband’s day, and of course I plan Tobias’ day. However, the day never goes as planned, and then all of a sudden I become fearful of the unknown.

My fear is what initially drove me to plan.

For the past few years I have been working on just going with the flow and letting things happen organically. Of course, I have failed on many occasions, but being more conscious of my desire to plan has helped.

Personal I find planning fun, but I also find it to be restricting. At work it is great and it is an asset. At home, it is just a distraction. Here are a few things that have helped me let go of my desire to plan while at home.

Find A Focus

BalanceWhen I focus on God and my family I tend to put aside my desire to plan the day. I will occasionally state, “I am not in control. My purpose is to worship and bring glory to God.” This helps me stay centered and to remember that there is a bigger plan at work and I don’t need to plan for God. He has everything under control. One way I do this is through daily meditation on the word and prayer.

If you are someone who is fearful of prayer I would recommend that you start just by reading the word and turning that into a pray. A good place to start is Psalm 91.

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21 NIV

Eliminate Distractions

Distraction.jpgThere are so many things that can derail us from enjoying the day. Lets just start with technology. Yes, it is a great tool and I am all for social media and mind-numbing entertainment, but these things can keep us from really enjoying what life has to offer. I am not perfect and I don’t do this as much as I should, but if I am set on spending time with my family and enjoying all the fun moments, I will make sure to ignore my e-mails, stay off Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, so that I can immerse myself into my family and our adventures.

The same can be done with other distractions. Situations may arise that set the tone for the day. Someone woke up angry, frustrated, or just not feeling well. We all have had those days when we receive a call with some not so great news or a situation arises that really throws us of our game; it can be hard to put it all behind us. However, once it is out of the way you will be amazed at how great you feel. For me, I need to say things out loud so that I become more “self-aware,” so I will say something like, “I will not let this ruin my good day,” or “It is in the past and I can’t change the past, I can only change how this affects me.”

Remember You Are Not Alone

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Lack of planning can turn into fear for me rather quickly and it is important that when I become fearful I address it immediately. I do this through talking with God and confiding in my husband. I express my fear and through admitting it, I know I can conquer it.

I often find when I confess my fear that I am not alone, my husband may be dealing with a similar fear or anxiety and together we are able to approach God and find His peace over the situation.

Like I said earlier, I am not perfect and I still fail. Fear is real, but fear can be conquered.

Don’t let fear control you and your life.

Enjoy all the moments that come into your life and remember that each moment leads to you discovering your heart.

Like my Dad always says, “It is what it is!”

 

❤ Sarah

Family Updates!

As much as I would love to sit down and blog daily – heck even weekly would be fine with me- my schedule just hasn’t allowed it to happen. I feel like so many things have occurred in the last few weeks, so I will do my best to state them all.

First off, I wrote last about how I was battling depression and I am happy to report that it is now completely gone. There were a lot of factors that assisted with helping me escape the never-ending black hole, but at least I am out of the tunnel.

In other news, my husband and I have been given the opportunity for me to pursue my dream job. Recently I accepted a new job position and I just finished my first workweek. I am in love, and I hope the love I feel for this job continues.

Swanky new office!
Swanky new office!

That does mean though that for now my husband will be a SAHD (Stay-at-home-dad). So there maybe a shift in my blog to a full blown website with both my husband and I.

"Hey Dad, what are you doing in my bed?"
“Hey Dad, what are you doing in my bed?”
Tobias and his Daddy hanging out in his crib.
Tobias and his Daddy hanging out in his crib.

After a few months of late-night tears and constant crying we thought for sure Tobias had some teeth coming in, but no such luck. Poor kid is still toothless, but at least I still get plenty of those gummy-grins everyone loves!

Happy boy!
Happy boy!

Tobias is trying so hard to  walk without assistance. He has taken about 10 steps all by himself, then he will just fall to the ground and smile up at you with a big cheesy grin. He has also learned how to fake cough and sneeze to get your attention…I am not a fan of the fake coughing 😦

There is plenty more that has been happening, but I don’t want to bore you.

I hope everyone had a great Labor Day!

~Sarah