Personal Chaos

It seems as though everyone around me has found their balance in life, but for some reason, I feel like I’m about to topple over. Yet, I have given myself no choice, I must push through these emotions.

Since my last post, I have lost my grandfather and my husband has lost a great uncle that he was very close too.

Loss is a part of life, yes, but when it happens in waves over a family it takes longer for loved ones to grieve – since well, there are more things to grieve. It’s more difficult to process when it is around the holidays.

That is one segment of how life has been going.

Pregnancy has been a struggle thus far as well. I have officially hit the six-month mark, and once again have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. The struggles have been similar to my first pregnancy and I am dreading the bill that comes with all the extra ultrasounds and the doctor’s fees. Money is always a sore topic especially when you are doing all you can to save for a new baby and all of the expenses that come with it.

Then there is all the planning.

Tobias is thrilled to be a big brother, but I haven’t had a moment to focus on getting the nursery set up or even plan a baby shower. Yes, I know a lot of people are against having a baby shower for their second child, but in all honesty, I believe all babies deserve to be celebrated. After all, it isn’t about the presents. It’s about your excitement to have a beautiful new baby enter our world!

My teeter-totter has been swaying so much over all of my emotions that I am finding it hard to regain my footing. This is only the personal side of my story — there is a whole other aspect of my life that I do my best not to think about while blogging — work.

I love my job, but recently we have undergone some major changes so I also feel unbalanced at work as well. I have always wanted to control the uncontrollable, but I finally think I am at that point in my life when I should just say “heck with it,” and let the world continue to spin around the sun in a vast galaxy that couldn’t care less about my struggles to find balance.

Feeling unbalanced isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it gives us the chance to step back and really evaluate how we would like to move forward from this point.

After all, we can’t change the past we can only change what is happening right in front of us at this moment. Then, in turn, affect our futures.

Yes, I am struggling, that’s just life.

I am going to take this unbalanced season of my life and use it to shape the here and now. Finding my focus and putting everything I have into it. I may be swimming in a sea of doubt and uncertainty, but at least I’m not drowning yet.

There is always something to be thankful for.

❤ Sarah

Food Fail

Last week and this week are full of craziness. Last week on Wednesday I thought for sure I was in labor – I wasn’t 😦

That was the first false alarm, but my contractions continued well into Saturday evening – and I don’t just mean a few here and there, I mean constant contractions that were 3 to 5 minutes apart. I was in and out of the hospital more times than I care to remember. I know most of the nurses thought I was crazy, but when they saw contractions registering then they shut up! However, there wasn’t enough going on to keep me, so home I went.

This process really drained me emotionally and physically. So I said screw the Gestational Diabetes I am making S’mores….well I attempted to make “oven s’mores dip.”

Here are the sad results:

IMG_1680Now it still tasted amazing, but it just wasn’t as pretty as I would have liked. I want to blame this on Cooper, like I do everything else, however this one was all the baby brain. I just forgot they were in the oven! And honestly they are only in there for a few minutes!

I was using Facetime to talk with my nieces and nephews and showing them Cooper’s new trick (Which is just sitting pretty, but he does it so well), and then the smoke alarms went off! I alerted the whole apartment complex to my food blunder!IMG_1682

Anyway the recipe is still a good one if you don’t have a bonfire to go to, so here it is just for fun.

What you will need:

A cast iron skillet or a Glass pie dish

Ingredients:

3 Tablespoons butter

1 cup chopped walnuts

1 bag of chocolate chips

Mini marshmallows

Graham crackers

Directions:

Set your oven to Broil on high, however if you have baby brain like me I recommend low.

In your cast iron skillet melt the butter. Once melted, add in chopped walnuts until they are toasted and fragrant.IMG_1676

Remove from the heat and add the chocolate chips. They will begin to melt right away, just let them be, I know that is the hard part.IMG_1677

Then top the chocolate with all of your marshmallows.IMG_1678

Place the cast iron in the oven for the marshmallows to toast. Once they are golden brown…or black like

mine…remove from the broiler and break off some of your graham crackers and enjoy!IMG_1681

I personally like to just dip mine in, but my husband like it better as a spread on the graham cracker. I will be honest too and admit that I am the one who burns marshmallows in the campfire anyway so I don’t think I failed  that badly 😛

NOTE: Another way to make this is to line a sheet pan with graham crackers and then place a chocolate bar on top with the marshmallow and then broil. Once the chocolate is melted and the marshmallow toasted, top with another graham cracker.

PREGNANCY UPDATE: Also, I know I keep saying I am going to post a picture of the baby’s nursery, but honestly as soon as I get something done, someone comes in and messes it up – like my mother who just has to leave all of her suitcases in the room for a few weeks!Mother_Daughter

I know my little guy will be making an appearance in the next few days – I just have a feeling, so you will all get to see the nursery and the baby very soon!

 

 

 

 

 

~Sarah

Overcoming Fear

I have thought long and hard about the post for this week, but the only thing that came to mind worth posting about was about overcoming fear. Now yes, I know that everyone and their mom has an opinion on fear and how to overcome it, but this is not an advice blog! This is my own story of overcoming fear.

My very first post was about being diagnosed with GD and diabetes has always been a huge fear of mine. I will admit that even though I was being optimistic in my post that the fear still tormented me.

Per my doctors advice I have done everything that I could to correct my blood sugars, and for the most part I have done a great job. My doctors have been very happy with my success level. However there is one time of day that I cannot correct my blood sugar and that is my “fasting” sugars (this means that it is my first test of the morning prior to having any food).

Now since I cannot do anything to correct the fasting sugars I have been placed on a low dose of insulin. So after I finally get over one fear, I am faced with another-injecting myself!

Syringe

The first day that I had my insulin I followed the photo instructions just like a child and prepared my first syringe. I tried to talk my husband into giving me the shot, and honestly he was fine with giving me the shot, but then what would I learn.

I want to teach my son to face his fears, and if I refuse to face my own how will I ever lead by example?

So I took the prepared syringe in my hand and cleaned my injection zone. Slowly I put the needle down to my thigh and took a deep breath and pressed it into my body. Done!

I whined and complained for so long prior to that shot and it was nothing! It didn’t affect me physically as much as I thought it would. My blood sugar monitor hurt more than that little tiny needle.

The real moral of the story is that I wouldn’t have had the guts to face my fear if it wasn’t for my son. I want him to be healthy and happy, but I also want him to know that fear is in the mind and with God all things are possible.

Yes, a needle is a small thing to be afraid of, but it was a real fear that I had. Now it is behind me.

What fears are you facing and what steps are you taking to overcome them? Leave a comment below and don’t forget to subscribe.