Fighting For My Mind

Thinking

It is easy to fall into a rut and it doesn’t help when you have lost all motivation to try and climb out of it. In my experience, that is when Satan moves. He begins to whisper in my ear and as much as I try not to listen, I hear it.

He has been whispering…

I’m not worth anything.

I’m unloved and I am unworthy.

And since his games are not new I recognized them, but I wasn’t able to stop them from running ramped.

Over and over I ran those words through my mind and they slowly began attaching themselves.

Does my husband really love me?  

Why does he love me? 

I’m not worthy of love.

Why does God care about me when all I do is screw up?

These thoughts weighed heavy on my heart and they boggled my mind so that I was unable to think of anything that brought joy or clarity. This has been a daily occurrence for weeks and some of the things that happen throughout my day have pushed me deeper into the hole.

The thoughts are still there, lingering in the back of my mind. As I write this I can feel them bubbling up and trying to flood my senses with the failures that have happened over the last few weeks.

But something is different this time — I have chosen to focus on facts and not assumptions.

I know that my God is always good. He loves me and accepts me regardless of my shortcomings.

“He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.” – Ephesians 1:5 NIV

A child doesn’t need to earn their parents love, it is just there and God has freely given his love to all of us, it is just up to us to accept it.

I woke up this morning and a sense of understanding washed back all the thoughts that were swirling in my mind.

I am enough and I am His.  Just that one thought liberated me from all the burdens that I had clung to.

Satan is a master at planting thoughts in our minds to make us doubt and we are the masters at using those thoughts to hold us back from the everlasting love of our Abba Father.

You are loved and you are enough.

Always remember that!

❤ Sarah

Hello World:

My name is Sarah and I am 37 weeks pregnant – just to be clear that means I am extremely large and for the most part, crabby! Since a vast majority of you are not women and or your not pregnant, I just wanted to let you see a glimpse as to what it feels like both physically and emotionally.

The question I get asked the most, how does it feel to be pregnant? Answer: It is like you are caring a 30-pound weight on your lower abdomen and you are not allowed to take it off, even when you sleep! For comparison, my puppy Cooper is a little over 30 pounds. Image him laying on you at all times and not being able to move him.

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Do you know what that means? It means that in order to turn over in bed at night you must wake up, support your stomach (or back) and swing it over to the side you want to lay on, and I do mean swing. There is really no way around it, you can’t roll because then you are on top of your baby, and standing up and readjusting is just out of the question, know why? Because your hips are in a ton of pain and adding more pressure to them is enough to make you roll over to your spouse and punch them, in their sleep – of course when I do this I blame our puppy.

Now that we have discussed sleeping habits, minus the waking up every 30 minutes or so to go to the restroom, let us move to chores. I will be the first to admit that my husband does a lot for me, he is just nice like that, but there are some things that he just doesn’t do the way I like…I know I am picky! So that means that a lot of things that need to get done around the house don’t, why is that you may ask – easy, like I stated above I have a 30-pound, non-removable weight on my abdomen, and my hips hurt so much that just your basic duck-shuffle sends me over the edge.

Note to friend: If you come into my home expecting perfections, please just leave…If you are a true friend, please pick up any number of the cleaning supplies that you can find and help! I also have plenty of laundry that needs to be put away before my puppy, Cooper, can steal anything else. (For some reason he really likes to steal remote controls and whatever else he can get his mouth on really.)

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As my husband so lovingly put it this past weekend, I have no more stamina. I cannot walk through 4 stores in less than 3 hours like I use to, plus walk everything up the stairs to my apartment, and then proceed to putting it all away, it just isn’t going to happen people! I do give a little blame to the fact that I live in a small town and the only store that has a “expecting mothers” parking area is Macy’s….I don’t need a thing at Macy’s!

Expectant Mothers Parking  So we park fairly far away and it takes me 5 to 10 minutes just to get to the main entrance of a store, and because it’s a weekend, fight through a hoard of people that just don’t care if your pregnant or just large.

I would also like to take some time to thank the elderly woman who clearly saw me waddling after my husband at Kohl’s this weekend and instead of waiting for us to pass, cut us off completely­­ – I almost fell flat on my face, an object in motion and all that! I would have let it go if you didn’t do the same thing to the couple walking into the store as you were “walking” out…more like bulldozing them over to get out. Poor couple looked like a deer in headlights (I also don’t get why you didn’t use the door adjacent to the couple entering in, but what do I know about common courtesy).

Now for the positive side of things: Yes, I am 37 weeks pregnant. I have clothes laying all over my home, a puppy that wants to play fetch or tug of war all the time, dishes piling up in the sink, and a full time job that I must be present at until my son is born. However, it is nice to have these problems, and it is very humbling to know that even though life gets stressful, I am happy with where I am in life.

It breaks my heart to think about those who don’t have a pile of clothes waiting to be folded because all they have is the shirt on their backs. There are no dishes in the sink because there was no food to cook. These are the real issues of our time! We have grown so accustomed to getting what we want and convincing ourselves that it is a need, we forget about those who don’t even have the basics.

The pain that I feel in my body is fleeting. Soon I will have my son and all these “inconveniences” will be placed in a box deep in my mind, but one thing is certain, I don’t want to forget how truly blessed I am regardless of the problems I convince myself I have.

I challenge everyone including myself to take some time today to think about your problems compared to the problems of the world, or even just the problems of your neighbor. Is it really worth all the focus you are giving it? Can you take the focus off yourself and turn your attention onto another?