Small Victories

Tobias is one of the pickiest eaters I have ever met, and I have met a lot!

Maybe it is because I never let him eat from my plate, or maybe that is just who he is. Either way, I find it to be extremely irritating.

I hear the same advice all the time, “he will eat when he is hungry.”

Yes, I know, but the trick is getting him something he will actually eat when he is hungry!

I have tried switching up meats for him to try, but that never seems to go well. Once he ate a chicken nugget and I was so thrilled I literally jumped up and down.

I looked like an idiot, but I didn’t care.

Guess what! He hasn’t eaten one since then. Of course, he will dip it in the ketchup and lick the ketchup off of the chicken, but he won’t bite into the chicken.

Toddlers!

Need I say more?

We go through the same routine every night when its time for dinner. He runs over to his chair, sits himself down and inspects his plate. Then he will point to each thing given to him and waits for me to tell him what they are.

I have never given him pork, simply because we don’t eat it often in our house, but this night was different and I served him a pork cutlet.

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So he started with his favorite item on the plate; ketchup.

Tobias points at it smiling and I say “that’s ketchup.”

He giggles and moves on.

He always points to the other items that aren’t meat first.I explain what each is as he smiles, but still nothing has gone into his mouth yet.

Finally he gets to the pork. The smile is gone from his face. He points at it and looks up at me.

“That’s pork.”

Now I seem to have gotten his attention. He is now really watching me. He inspects it further and then points again. And again I tell him its pork.

What does he do? He picks it up, smells it and then dips it in the ketchup.

I’m thinking well he we go again, another meal my child won’t eat.

Then it happens, the pork made it into this mouth, and it was the first thing he finished!

He consumed three servings of food that night!

The one thing I put on his plate that I thought he would eat, he ignored. Sorry sweet potatoes.

It isn’t much, but it is a small victory. After two months of him wanting nothing to do with the meals I prepared, he finally ate something!

His stomach was so full that you could see it popping out of his shirt!

Current Score: Tobias: 2,599 —Mom: 1

I’ll still take it!

Off My Game

There are days when things just happen to take me by surprise and then there are days that just throw off my whole world, or so it seems.

When times are tough I tend to live a very structured day. It helps me stay centered and allows me to feel as though I won’t float away. Then something happens and it derails me.

In my mind the train has come off the tracks and about to go over the edge. Some structure and planning is what helps me know it will all be okay.

Some people can just shake off plans changing, others can just adjust and most of the time I can too, but not this time.

My plans were to rely on someone and then they changed. I don’t tend to rely on many people so this really does stop me in my tracks. It makes me feel isolated or rather like I don’t matter enough. The feelings of broken promises and abandonment run ramped through me and I can’t stop all the thoughts that pour into my mind.

As a child, I was lied too quite a bit. It was never on purpose of course, but I didn’t learn that until I was older, but the impact all these broken promises and lies made on me is still evident in my everyday life.

I want to rely on others, but when it isn’t a constant I tend to feel as if I am the failure.

My struggle is deeper than it appears. I have become so use to only relying on myself that I forget to rely on God and I forget to open up about how I feel to my family. This leads to more struggles, more anger and more pain —all from one change in my plans.

Yes, I know to some this may seem crazy, and it isn’t always like this — honest. It just so happens that the season of life I am in with my family is a hard one and so the “small things” end up being the tear that just keeps widening, exposing all the other sensitive areas in my life.

Being aware of my issues is what helps me discover the real reasons as to why I react to things the way I do. It allows me to learn and grown into the woman that I know I am called to be.

After all, you can’t get to where you’re going, unless you know where you have been.

 

Stress

My heart is stressed and I am battling fears.

Everyone has fears. Everyone deals with anxiety and stress, but for some reason I feel like we ignore these emotions in conversation.

I have been told to “suck it up,” or even better — I just don’t talk about them and I keep it bottled up inside.

As time passes I have learned that I am able to handle more and more stress and I use to think this was a good thing. I thought it meant I was maturing or becoming more of an adult, and then I gained clarity.

Yes, stress is a part of everyday life, but if you constantly allow the stress to build and never learn how to handle it properly, eventually you will snap.

Just like a rubber band most of us can stretch pretty far, but the further and further you pull the band from itself its integrity is compromised. It will snap back and cause pain and sometime it will break into multiple pieces that can never be put back together.

RubberBand

My nature is to plan. I always have a list of things to do and it is always prioritized. However there are times that list haunts me. If a task is left unchecked I can feel the weight of it on my mind, it causes me stress and I seek freedom. This is not the only reason that I stress, but it is one that is easily managed. If I can just conquer this, than maybe I can focus on another area. (Oops the planner in me just came out again 😛 )

Rubber bands may break, but they can also snap back into their original shape. I find this to be true in my life as well. I don’t want to go to the point of breaking, but sometimes I do need to be stretched. I need to be tested and I need to be pliable.

If I want to be free I must let go of stress and anxiety. I must snap back into place.

Easier said that done — that’s for sure. However, scripture is a tool through this battle and if used, I will be free.

Our stress and fears maybe different, but God is constant.

Here are three verses I keep repeating over and over and they have given me hope and instilled new faith into my heart.

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Through my struggles I am going to read scripture and remember that I am a child of the King.

My heart and prayers go out to anyone battling stress. Know that you are not alone and you will never walk alone.

Love,

Sarah

Truth Time

It’s time for the Truth

It has been 9 months.

9 months since my son was born.

9 months since I have had my surgeries.

9 months since I have felt like myself.

I do not feel normal. For instance I would normally never post anything so personal. However, I haven’t posted anything in a while and even if no one is reading I feel it is important to open up. I have also been encouraged to talk about this.

Postpartum depression is real. It didn’t feel like it at first.  My doctor only gave me a brochure about the symptoms at first and then 6 weeks after birth she told me I had it. I requested no medication. I was under the assumption that I could beat it with an upbeat attitude.

I was wrong. Way wrong.

Some people can beat depression without medicine. Sadly, I am not one of those people. Without medication postpartum depression can grow stronger and stronger. Symptoms are different for every person.

For me the only thing that breaks through the haze is the undeniable support of my family and of course my beautiful baby boy.

Please forgive me for my break from blogging. During this break I have been paying close attention to my family and myself in order to stay healthy and happy.

I maybe taking some more time to get focused, but I will do my best to post when I can.

Also, I want to encourage anyone struggling with depression of any kind to please open up to friends, family and your doctor.

Thank you all.

❤ Sarah

Live. Learn. Repeat.

Mother’s Day came and went, and while I had a “picture perfect” day envisioned in my mind… it is absolutely not what I got!

Instead of breakfast in bed, I made everyone breakfast (I don’t mind, cooking, but it would have been nice to have someone else do it for a change), instead of hugs and kisses from my son I got the teething tyrant (poor kid was screaming his head off almost all day).

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Typically, Mother’s Day is where the dad steps in and takes control hoping to keep the mom sane, but my husband was preparing for a business trip….so yea, out the window went that idea!

Around 6 p.m. after a constant 2 hours of screaming from my son, (which he never does, Normally he is pretty calm) I was about to lose it. Tears were forming in my eyes and my head was pounding.I just wanted to comfort my son, but nothing seemed to help.

I heard a small voice tell me to breathe and of course I kind of laughed, but I did it anyway.

I focused on my breathing and calmed myself down, and then I was able to calm my son. This is a lesson I have always struggled to learn and it is one I am sure I will have to relearn over and over!

It is important to get yourself in order before you can help others. If you aren’t right, how can you expect to make others better?

I get it, human nature runs ramped and everyone wants to fix every problem they can – as long as its someone else’s life and not their own.  Eventually you will have to look into the mirror and see all of your own issues and if anything, you should be able to fix your own problems!

But we fail!

We will always fail if we constantly try to do things that are out of our reach. It is only by the grace of God that we can be made new. When death knocks on your door and you meet Jesus face to face he isn’t going to ask you who else you fixed. He wants to know that you accepted him and have tried to live your life according to his word. Yes, he wants us to guide others to him, but he didn’t ask us to fix them! He is the only one who can change a person’s heart!

He doesn’t want to hear that you were so busy trying to fix everyone around you that your forgot to spend time with him, or even talk to him.

If you really want to help others it comes down to this:

Love them unconditionally for who they are and who God created them to be. Live your life according to God’s word; be his example to the world. 

I can’t fix every problem, and I will go insane if I continue to try. So I am going to take a step back, breathe, and make sure my life is right then and only then will I be able to assist others.

Now, here is a better picture of my son Tobias and I for Mother’s Day!

Only Mother's Day Photo I was able to get - without crying that is!
Only Mother’s Day Photo I was able to get – without crying that is!

Happy Tuesday!

~Sarah

Challenges

Update on Tobias

Tobias has been sick constantly, and we have been in and out of the doctor’s office and hospital since he has been born. It feels never-ending sometimes.

About a week ago Tobias was admitted into the hospital for an abscess that formed on his neck. Originally it was just a swollen lymph node.

The abscess got so large that my son couldn’t turn his head without being in pain. So surgery was needed to drain the abscess.

Passed out in the hospital crib.
Passed out in the hospital crib.

In an adult, it would be call a minor surgery, but for a 3 month old (4 months now) it is a pretty big deal since they have to put him under.

Tobias did great and healed quickly, but I was a mess. I couldn’t believe that he had to be hospitalized so young.

Tobias after his surgery. He is one tough little guy.
Tobias after his surgery. He is one tough little guy.

Of course there was more going on that we didn’t know. He became resistant to the antibiotics, and there was a mess of doctors and surgeons calling telling us what we needed to do.

The calls lasted for a full week, each time it was a different doctor – talk about a headache. 

Poor kid was on three antibiotics before we got the right one in his system.

Personal Revelation

Life is full of challenges, and problem solving has become a great skill of mine, but throughout this whole process I saw a part of me that I wish didn’t exist.

Selfishness.

Now yes, I care about my son and his well-being, but I couldn’t help thinking about all the bad things that seem to keep happening to me and my family lately.

I will not go into detail because well… it’s the Internet and I am smarter than that! 🙂

The point is I wasn’t letting God be exalted in my life. I was more focused on my own feelings and emotions than on God and what he desires.

It may not seem like that big of a deal to some, but to me discovering this really stopped me in my tracks.

Giving It To God

This process doesn’t happen over night, but it is important that each day I speak aloud, “God, I give it all to you. Your will be done Father.”

Luke 9:23 “Then he said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.’”

I truly believe there is power when we speak it out. Just like there is power when we pray scripture.

Every time I pray this I feel the burden being lifted off, and I can see clearly.

This isn’t a process that can be stopped after one day. We as humans are selfish in nature and I know it can be hard to remove the focus from ourselves, especially when society rewards those who are self-seeking and those who work for their own gain.

However, the reward we receive from God is much greater.

He is my joy and my blessing!
He is my joy and my blessing!

Personal Growth

Being challenged isn’t a bad thing. Accepting to get through the challenge breeds good character and forces you to grow as an individual. And I don’t know about you, but I aways want be growing!

I will leave you with some of my favorite quotes that I hope inspire you as much as they inspire me.

C.S. Lewis Eric Bates Seneca Steve Maraboli

Photo quotes from Goodreads

How do you overcome challenges in your life? I am always looking for new ways to view various situations. Please share in the comments below.

~Sarah