Hot Mess Mom

Sibling Love
He normally isn’t interested in the belly, but more and more he is starting to get that a baby is coming!

Yep, that’s me!

I am a hot mess mom! I never have a clean kitchen for longer than 5 minutes and just as the laundry has been folded and put away another pile magically appears.

On weekends makeup barely makes it on my face and I am lucky if I get a chance to wash it!

Luckily, my family doesn’t mind, or at least they haven’t expressed that they find it to be annoying…other than my husband’s hatred for a dirty kitchen sink! 🙄😜

Napping Toddler
Piles of laundry on the bed and piles on the floor in the closet. Tobias doesn’t mind, he is passed out for his nap!

Officially, I have entered the third trimester and this pregnancy seems as though it is flying by. We just picked the paint color for the nursery for gosh sakes! Nothing is ready, including me.

I had planned on so many things, but life just keeps getting in the way! And by in the way, I mean keeping up with an active and loving toddler who just can’t sit still and loves to take adventures to the gym, store and more. He may also be slightly obsessed with Paw Patrol!

Tobias is excited to be a big brother, but he hasn’t fully grasped the whole concept. He is convinced that a baby is in my belly, but his (spoiler alert) baby sister is in his belly!

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I’m sure things will start to come together, and I know this baby will receive tons of love and attention, but man, do I feel behind on everything!

I’m proud that I am a working mom, but that does mean for the most part when I am home I have to prioritize my time and I will always pick spending time with my family over a clean house.

I will admit that I wish I had a house cleaning fairy! And if you are a full-time working parent and you have a super clean house more power to you!

For now, I’m content with my happy, messy home filled with great memories and lots of love.

❤ Sarah

Learning a Life Lesson

I’m human. That means I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be.

Emotions get the better of me, just like they do for everyone.

Anger is normal and feeling grumpy is normal. These emotions every human struggles with.

It’s important to me that I teach my son about his emotions, so that he knows its normal and that he can discover how to control them as he learns and grows.

Both of us had a lesson to learn this morning and I thought it was a good story to share. So, here it goes.

Tobias woke up extremely grumpy this morning, which is unlike him. I checked to make sure he wasn’t running a fever and everything else check out. He was just grumpy. Before we left the house, I told him, “Its okay to be grumpy, just don’t let that affect how you treat others.”

He glared at me and pouted out his little lips.

As we began our journey to work and daycare he increasingly got worse and let his grumpiness turn into actions. He began to treat me poorly and say things that I was shocked to hear from my normally sweet toddler.

I lost it – just like normal humans do. Even more so since I was in a hurry to get to work.

In a matter of a minute, I found myself being equally as mean, while also trying to correct behavior. (Momma fail: I do my best to not have double standards, but again- I’m human.)

Slowly, his face scrunched up and his lips curled back as he began to cry. More from me yelling then the words I was speaking.

 I stewed in my anger and then heard the Lord whisper, you have a choice here.

Glancing down at my clock I saw that I could still make it to work on time if I just kept driving, but one look back at my son and my choice was made.

Quickly, I found the nearest parking lot to pull into safely and I parked my car. Took a few deep breathes before I unlocked the doors, and walked back to my son.

His tears were staining his face and soon I couldn’t stop my own. I pulled him into a hug and told him I was sorry for yelling and that I didn’t mean to make him cry.

We talked about how we can be grumpy and be upset, but it was not right for us to treat others unkindly – a lesson we both needed to remember!

Alway be kind

His arms clung to my neck as he wiped his eyes and nose across my shirt.

“I sorry, momma,” he said.

“I’m sorry too,” I replied.

Pulling back from his embrace, his eyes still red from crying, I wiped away the remaining tears and just held my little boy.

“Watch mama,” I said as I moved my hands across my face to wipe at my own eyes. “I’m wiping off my anger and moving forward.”

He watched me intently and I could feel his spirits lifting.

“I wipe away my grumpy,” he said as he mimicked my actions.

He hugged me once more and then gave me a big kiss. I closed his door and began to walk back to my seat. I could feel the Lord still pulling at my heart and using the lesson to grow my character along with my sons.

We sat in silence for the rest of the car ride. I glanced back at him often and he just simply smiled, letting those cute dimples of his show.

Once we got to his daycare I grabbed his hand to lead him into the building and he smiled brightly up at me. “I love you, momma,” he said and squeezed my legs into the tightest hug he could manage.

I lowered my pregnant body down to him and squeezed him back. A tear dripped down my cheek

“I love you more,” I said. “Do you still feel grumpy?”

“Yes,” he said, “but I will be kind.” He smiled up at me and gave me one last kiss before he ran towards his friends.

I was late for work, but the Lord was right, I had a choice and I chose to take my time to teach my son. (He is more important!)

We are all human. We all make mistakes, but we also have a choice.

I want to choose to always be kinder than I feel, and I hope to teach this lesson to Tobias and my other child, earlier than I learned.

To me, it is important to remember to teach our children that is ok to be grumpy, angry, sad and happy; but regardless of how we are feeling, we must always treat each other with kindness.

Every lesson I teach is also a lesson for myself. Each lesson helps me to Discover My own Heart.

❤ Sarah

Personal Chaos

It seems as though everyone around me has found their balance in life, but for some reason, I feel like I’m about to topple over. Yet, I have given myself no choice, I must push through these emotions.

Since my last post, I have lost my grandfather and my husband has lost a great uncle that he was very close too.

Loss is a part of life, yes, but when it happens in waves over a family it takes longer for loved ones to grieve – since well, there are more things to grieve. It’s more difficult to process when it is around the holidays.

That is one segment of how life has been going.

Pregnancy has been a struggle thus far as well. I have officially hit the six-month mark, and once again have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. The struggles have been similar to my first pregnancy and I am dreading the bill that comes with all the extra ultrasounds and the doctor’s fees. Money is always a sore topic especially when you are doing all you can to save for a new baby and all of the expenses that come with it.

Then there is all the planning.

Tobias is thrilled to be a big brother, but I haven’t had a moment to focus on getting the nursery set up or even plan a baby shower. Yes, I know a lot of people are against having a baby shower for their second child, but in all honesty, I believe all babies deserve to be celebrated. After all, it isn’t about the presents. It’s about your excitement to have a beautiful new baby enter our world!

My teeter-totter has been swaying so much over all of my emotions that I am finding it hard to regain my footing. This is only the personal side of my story — there is a whole other aspect of my life that I do my best not to think about while blogging — work.

I love my job, but recently we have undergone some major changes so I also feel unbalanced at work as well. I have always wanted to control the uncontrollable, but I finally think I am at that point in my life when I should just say “heck with it,” and let the world continue to spin around the sun in a vast galaxy that couldn’t care less about my struggles to find balance.

Feeling unbalanced isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it gives us the chance to step back and really evaluate how we would like to move forward from this point.

After all, we can’t change the past we can only change what is happening right in front of us at this moment. Then, in turn, affect our futures.

Yes, I am struggling, that’s just life.

I am going to take this unbalanced season of my life and use it to shape the here and now. Finding my focus and putting everything I have into it. I may be swimming in a sea of doubt and uncertainty, but at least I’m not drowning yet.

There is always something to be thankful for.

❤ Sarah

Life Update

Let’s be real, I’m a terrible blogger.

Thank goodness I do this for myself and my own sanity, and not as a business!

I want to give a life updated since it has been so long. My lovely family and I are going from a family of three to a family of four!

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Robert and I haven’t decided if we are going to find out the gender or not. I know the control freak in some maybe going crazy, but really there aren’t a lot of surprises in life and it could be fun to have a surprise.

There is always the chance that we will find out…who knows!

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That was the happy update, the sad is that I recently lost my grandmother. She means the world to me and has done a lot to help me grow into the person I am. She taught me about saving money, working hard, being dedicated to my family and even telling me, very bluntly, what my talents weren’t. Her departure from this world has left a hole in my heart and soul.

She means the world to me and has done a lot to help me grow into the person I am. She taught me about saving money, working hard, being dedicated to my family and even telling me, very bluntly, what my talents weren’t. Her departure from this world has left a hole in my heart and soul.

Her departure from this world has left a hole in my heart and soul.

The way I talk and view death is difficult for some of my family and friends to understand and it has caused a few hiccups in coping.

There are moments that I have moved on and moments when I feel as though I can’t breathe and the world is zipping past me.

Because of this, I have had a hard time regaining my “life-balance,” which was on a thread to begin with.

I have put off writing since things have been so hectic, but I know that I need to express some emotion if I am to find my balance again.

Hopefully one day I will become a more consistent blogger, but for now, I am happy to just document my journey and see where it takes me.

❤ Sarah

Let Him Be Dad!

My husband, Robert, tends to be a quite person, but there are times when his words linger with me and I cannot help but reflect on them.

Our son is a momma’s boy—I am the one to do everything for him. Not because Robert doesn’t want to, but rather Tobias doesn’t want him too.

Life would be so much easier if the kid would let someone other than me change him! 😛

Last night Tobias decided he wanted to cuddle on the couch with his daddy, and it was the sweetest moment. I was crossing the room about to sit on the couch to enjoy the family time when my husband stopped me.

“Don’t take this from me,” he said.

That was enough to stop me.

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For a split, second I wanted to get upset because I was tried and wanted to relax with the rest of them, but then I understood.

The reality is, if I had sat on the couch Tobias would have come over and asked to sit on my lap. This would have killed that rare moment Robert had with him.

There was no anger or malice in his tone, but rather a man just wanting to be involved in his child’s life.

This exchange opened my eyes to times I may have inadvertently taken a moment from him, just because I am “mommy.”

I let the thoughts fade and went into another room to relax so they could have some Father-Son time and honestly, I am glad I didn’t get worked up over Robert’s words.

It is important that my child has a great relationship with his daddy. There are times that I need to just leave the room and give them a chance to bond.

it is hard to distance myself from Tobias. After all, he is my son, but I don’t want to take away a chance for him and Robert to have a strong relationship.

Robert is a great father, and I can see how my presence can take those oh-so-sweet moments with his child away.

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I will do my best to never take moments like this away every again!

❤ Sarah

Fighting For My Mind

Thinking

It is easy to fall into a rut and it doesn’t help when you have lost all motivation to try and climb out of it. In my experience, that is when Satan moves. He begins to whisper in my ear and as much as I try not to listen, I hear it.

He has been whispering…

I’m not worth anything.

I’m unloved and I am unworthy.

And since his games are not new I recognized them, but I wasn’t able to stop them from running ramped.

Over and over I ran those words through my mind and they slowly began attaching themselves.

Does my husband really love me?  

Why does he love me? 

I’m not worthy of love.

Why does God care about me when all I do is screw up?

These thoughts weighed heavy on my heart and they boggled my mind so that I was unable to think of anything that brought joy or clarity. This has been a daily occurrence for weeks and some of the things that happen throughout my day have pushed me deeper into the hole.

The thoughts are still there, lingering in the back of my mind. As I write this I can feel them bubbling up and trying to flood my senses with the failures that have happened over the last few weeks.

But something is different this time — I have chosen to focus on facts and not assumptions.

I know that my God is always good. He loves me and accepts me regardless of my shortcomings.

“He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.” – Ephesians 1:5 NIV

A child doesn’t need to earn their parents love, it is just there and God has freely given his love to all of us, it is just up to us to accept it.

I woke up this morning and a sense of understanding washed back all the thoughts that were swirling in my mind.

I am enough and I am His.  Just that one thought liberated me from all the burdens that I had clung to.

Satan is a master at planting thoughts in our minds to make us doubt and we are the masters at using those thoughts to hold us back from the everlasting love of our Abba Father.

You are loved and you are enough.

Always remember that!

❤ Sarah

Mistakes

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950)

I’m not perfect and honestly, no one is.

Go ahead you can admit it too!

Mistakes will happen and handling them can be a challenge.

I recently made a huge communication no-no by missing a  spelling error on a publication.

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To some, this may not seem like a big deal, but when it’s your boss sending out the documents and catching all the flak for the errors – it can feel like the whole world is crashing down on you in that moment.

I corrected the errors and sent out the correct documents, but that didn’t stop the crushing feelings that I had.

I failed.

The truth though is that my failure can be put behind me. Mistakes happen, they will always happen.

They happen at work, they happen in marriage, heck they even happen when we are trying to be a good parent.

It isn’t the mistake that defines us; it’s how we choose to overcome them.

I was raised to take responsibility for my mistakes. So I apologize for the mistake, I correct the mistake and I do my best to get my emotions in check, which is sometimes the hardest part – no one likes failing.

Really want I want to say is it’s totally fine to mess up, it’s a natural part of life. If we were all perfect we would be boring and we wouldn’t grow.

❤ Sarah