Introducing …

It is time our new addition makes her appearance. Robert, Tobias and I welcomed a beautiful and healthy baby girl in April.

Meet our Hailey!

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Hailey has been an excellent addition to our family and is as sweet as can be. I have put off this post for quite some time since I was struggling with my own well-being, so my Hailey Bug is almost 6 months old now.

She is honestly such a joy and is learning to find her voice. She adores her older brother, and he is smitten with her. In fact, Tobias is the one who got Hailey to laugh for the first time.

There are so many stories I could tell, but I think it may be better just to show some of her moments over the last few months.

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There will be more updates on Hailey and Tobias to come.

Each day I continue to discover my own heart and what the Lord has in store for me.

Love,

Sarah ❤

The Struggles of This Season

I’ve been silent for a while. Not just through this blog, but also in my life. It seems after my darling daughter was born things took an extreme turn in every aspect of life. But first I want to talk for a second about what has really been plaguing my mind, heart, and soul; postpartum depression.

I’m not clinical​ so I won’t waste time talking to you all about the chemical imbalance that I’m currently struggling with; instead, I want to talk about how this has affected every aspect of my world and the various stages that I see in myself.

Depression is different for each person, yes some of the symptoms are the same, but the reality is that the individual walks alone through their own journey and their family and friends walk a parallel journey next to the hurting person. I do not want to discredit the family and friends since depression does touch them, it is just in a different capacity.

So let me dive into my personal story and hopefully talking about it while helping launches me forward at least a few inches.


Late April my beautiful baby girl was born, we named her Hailey. The first few days I was utterly in awe and overwhelming tiredness. A toddler and a newborn are a lot to handle!

After about two weeks I went to visit my doctor to test my blood sugar and blood pressure since during the pregnancy my body had a hard time regulating. It was at that appointment that I talked to the doctor about my concern with postpartum depression.

Now, before you start applauding me for actually speaking up — please know that my husband admitted that I talk to the doctor right away. He noticed similar issues I had when Tobias was born, and I never spoke to anyone about my feelings. It was only due to him that I owned up and talked and told the truth for that matter.

I have prescribed medication, and I am not one to typically take medicine, but I had my family to think about. I had found myself unable to care for my children because I was too busy sleeping through their cries and screaming. After giving the medicine a good 48 hours in my system, I started to feel the effects.

To cut this story a tad shorter let’s move out a month.

After taking the meds for a month, the old signs started to rear their ugly head, and I began to find myself completely overwhelmed with life. During all of this I never once had a thought to harm myself or anyone else, so I just kept on with my journey.

Being at home with Hailey was more than I ever got with my son, so I enjoyed the snuggles, and everything else fell to the wayside.

Fast forward to July, and I started back at work. I came back to complete chaos as we had lost our boss and one of my best friends from our company and shortly after another member of our team left. Turnover is expected, but man did this force me back into reality, and the emotions began to overwhelm me once again.

I started to have a cynical look of myself, I lost complete confidence in who I was as a person and in some regards I am still struggling with my faith. It is now the beginning of October, and I am still struggling.

I went to visit with my primary care physician, and she raised concerns about how I viewed myself — especially the description of how I saw myself in the mirror. She changed my prescription and upped the dosage.

That change scared me. I don’t take medicine, and I was hoping to be off of mine as quickly as possible, so instead of making my prescription as directed I never picked it up.

The weights of my world started to rest heavy on my shoulders. Preparing for each day with two kids, going to a job where I struggle with my value and worth, dropping off each kid at a different location and then going home each night after picking up the kids and preparing dinner and prepping for the next day has wiped me out physically, emotionally and mentally. I find myself unable to withstand the thoughts that have crept into my mind.

I can’t do this anymore.
Everyone would be better off without me.
Why is it that I’m the target of so much pain?
I’m not good enough.

Now here is the truth — I know these are lies.

Satan wants me to start feeling sorry about who I am. If I feel bad about myself, then I can’t walk out Gods purpose.

As much as I don’t like medicine, it is there for my benefit. I’m not taking it because my doctor is telling me I should, I am taking it because over the time I have been without it, I have seen myself drift further away from who I am and who God has called me to be.

Each situation I am dealing with yes, is stressful, but the reality is that I am adding more stress than what is necessary.

Money is a problem and each time it comes up the stress of it makes me feel as though I have let my family down. The reality is that I don’t own anything — It is God’s and God will provide.

All of this is a round-a-bout way of saying I am not ok an that is ok. I have admitted my struggles, and now I am seeking help.

If you are struggling, please know you aren’t alone, and you owe it to yourself to seek out help from a loved one, from a friend and yes, even a medical professional.

Don’t Lose Your Joy

It’s inevitable that when you are content and happy with how life is going there is a curve ball thrown. Not only is it coming toward you — it’s coming to bowl you over. Just know, it’s ok to fall, but you have a choice of getting back up.

Throughout my pregnancy, things have been going extremely well other than once again dealing with gestational diabetes. My lovely baby is growing properly, I haven’t gained too much weight and everything is on track.

My curveball is that I may not be able to deliver my baby the way I intended with a VBAC, but there is also the possibility that I could. This is all due to the uncertainty of my gestational diabetes and the risks that come with prolonging my pregnancy. Unlike other moms who can wait until the baby is ready, that puts me and the baby at a great risk of complications.

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Talk about playing with a hormonal pregnant women’s emotions!

I’ve been working on being more present in life and to stop focusing on things I cannot control, this has gone a long way, I think, with my family and the amount of stress I have taken off of them because I have taken it off myself.

I have been enjoying all the small moments of each day, every laugh, every tickle fight and all the tantrums and stubbornness that teaches me that I am raising a strong-willed and caring toddler.

This strategy of slowing down has done so much for my anxiety as well and now I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. However, today’s doctors’ appointment almost ruined my mindset.

Not stressing out the future has been oddly freeing and I have embraced it these last few weeks. When I heard that there could be complications with my pregnancy after just hearing that I was doing so well, I felt the panic rise in my chest. It almost took root in my mind and I could feel the virus of stress wanting to take over.

Thankfully, this morning I remember hearing God say to me “be anxious for nothing, and pray about everything.”

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One of my goals this week was to find joy in every moment and his words I took as a reinforcement of that goal.

It is so true that Satan and life try to steal our joy. I have been so happy these last few weeks and that was a moment that could have destroyed it all, but I won’t let it.

I cannot control the future.

I cannot dictate when this baby will be born.

I cannot make my desires a reality.

But I can control who I give power to. 

Everything is better in God’s hands and as I come to terms with reality I am more comforted by His ability to be my protector, my healer, my Abba Father than I was this morning.

My faith in His ability will not wavier.

I will rejoice in the Lord always.

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Find joy in every moment and cling to the promises of God. Do not let anything steal your joy!

❤ Sarah

Hot Mess Mom

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He normally isn’t interested in the belly, but more and more he is starting to get that a baby is coming!

Yep, that’s me!

I am a hot mess mom! I never have a clean kitchen for longer than 5 minutes and just as the laundry has been folded and put away another pile magically appears.

On weekends makeup barely makes it on my face and I am lucky if I get a chance to wash it!

Luckily, my family doesn’t mind, or at least they haven’t expressed that they find it to be annoying…other than my husband’s hatred for a dirty kitchen sink! 🙄😜

Napping Toddler
Piles of laundry on the bed and piles on the floor in the closet. Tobias doesn’t mind, he is passed out for his nap!

Officially, I have entered the third trimester and this pregnancy seems as though it is flying by. We just picked the paint color for the nursery for gosh sakes! Nothing is ready, including me.

I had planned on so many things, but life just keeps getting in the way! And by in the way, I mean keeping up with an active and loving toddler who just can’t sit still and loves to take adventures to the gym, store and more. He may also be slightly obsessed with Paw Patrol!

Tobias is excited to be a big brother, but he hasn’t fully grasped the whole concept. He is convinced that a baby is in my belly, but his (spoiler alert) baby sister is in his belly!

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I’m sure things will start to come together, and I know this baby will receive tons of love and attention, but man, do I feel behind on everything!

I’m proud that I am a working mom, but that does mean for the most part when I am home I have to prioritize my time and I will always pick spending time with my family over a clean house.

I will admit that I wish I had a house cleaning fairy! And if you are a full-time working parent and you have a super clean house more power to you!

For now, I’m content with my happy, messy home filled with great memories and lots of love.

❤ Sarah

Learning a Life Lesson

I’m human. That means I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be.

Emotions get the better of me, just like they do for everyone.

Anger is normal and feeling grumpy is normal. These emotions every human struggles with.

It’s important to me that I teach my son about his emotions, so that he knows its normal and that he can discover how to control them as he learns and grows.

Both of us had a lesson to learn this morning and I thought it was a good story to share. So, here it goes.

Tobias woke up extremely grumpy this morning, which is unlike him. I checked to make sure he wasn’t running a fever and everything else check out. He was just grumpy. Before we left the house, I told him, “Its okay to be grumpy, just don’t let that affect how you treat others.”

He glared at me and pouted out his little lips.

As we began our journey to work and daycare he increasingly got worse and let his grumpiness turn into actions. He began to treat me poorly and say things that I was shocked to hear from my normally sweet toddler.

I lost it – just like normal humans do. Even more so since I was in a hurry to get to work.

In a matter of a minute, I found myself being equally as mean, while also trying to correct behavior. (Momma fail: I do my best to not have double standards, but again- I’m human.)

Slowly, his face scrunched up and his lips curled back as he began to cry. More from me yelling then the words I was speaking.

 I stewed in my anger and then heard the Lord whisper, you have a choice here.

Glancing down at my clock I saw that I could still make it to work on time if I just kept driving, but one look back at my son and my choice was made.

Quickly, I found the nearest parking lot to pull into safely and I parked my car. Took a few deep breathes before I unlocked the doors, and walked back to my son.

His tears were staining his face and soon I couldn’t stop my own. I pulled him into a hug and told him I was sorry for yelling and that I didn’t mean to make him cry.

We talked about how we can be grumpy and be upset, but it was not right for us to treat others unkindly – a lesson we both needed to remember!

Alway be kind

His arms clung to my neck as he wiped his eyes and nose across my shirt.

“I sorry, momma,” he said.

“I’m sorry too,” I replied.

Pulling back from his embrace, his eyes still red from crying, I wiped away the remaining tears and just held my little boy.

“Watch mama,” I said as I moved my hands across my face to wipe at my own eyes. “I’m wiping off my anger and moving forward.”

He watched me intently and I could feel his spirits lifting.

“I wipe away my grumpy,” he said as he mimicked my actions.

He hugged me once more and then gave me a big kiss. I closed his door and began to walk back to my seat. I could feel the Lord still pulling at my heart and using the lesson to grow my character along with my sons.

We sat in silence for the rest of the car ride. I glanced back at him often and he just simply smiled, letting those cute dimples of his show.

Once we got to his daycare I grabbed his hand to lead him into the building and he smiled brightly up at me. “I love you, momma,” he said and squeezed my legs into the tightest hug he could manage.

I lowered my pregnant body down to him and squeezed him back. A tear dripped down my cheek

“I love you more,” I said. “Do you still feel grumpy?”

“Yes,” he said, “but I will be kind.” He smiled up at me and gave me one last kiss before he ran towards his friends.

I was late for work, but the Lord was right, I had a choice and I chose to take my time to teach my son. (He is more important!)

We are all human. We all make mistakes, but we also have a choice.

I want to choose to always be kinder than I feel, and I hope to teach this lesson to Tobias and my other child, earlier than I learned.

To me, it is important to remember to teach our children that is ok to be grumpy, angry, sad and happy; but regardless of how we are feeling, we must always treat each other with kindness.

Every lesson I teach is also a lesson for myself. Each lesson helps me to Discover My own Heart.

❤ Sarah

Personal Chaos

It seems as though everyone around me has found their balance in life, but for some reason, I feel like I’m about to topple over. Yet, I have given myself no choice, I must push through these emotions.

Since my last post, I have lost my grandfather and my husband has lost a great uncle that he was very close too.

Loss is a part of life, yes, but when it happens in waves over a family it takes longer for loved ones to grieve – since well, there are more things to grieve. It’s more difficult to process when it is around the holidays.

That is one segment of how life has been going.

Pregnancy has been a struggle thus far as well. I have officially hit the six-month mark, and once again have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. The struggles have been similar to my first pregnancy and I am dreading the bill that comes with all the extra ultrasounds and the doctor’s fees. Money is always a sore topic especially when you are doing all you can to save for a new baby and all of the expenses that come with it.

Then there is all the planning.

Tobias is thrilled to be a big brother, but I haven’t had a moment to focus on getting the nursery set up or even plan a baby shower. Yes, I know a lot of people are against having a baby shower for their second child, but in all honesty, I believe all babies deserve to be celebrated. After all, it isn’t about the presents. It’s about your excitement to have a beautiful new baby enter our world!

My teeter-totter has been swaying so much over all of my emotions that I am finding it hard to regain my footing. This is only the personal side of my story — there is a whole other aspect of my life that I do my best not to think about while blogging — work.

I love my job, but recently we have undergone some major changes so I also feel unbalanced at work as well. I have always wanted to control the uncontrollable, but I finally think I am at that point in my life when I should just say “heck with it,” and let the world continue to spin around the sun in a vast galaxy that couldn’t care less about my struggles to find balance.

Feeling unbalanced isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it gives us the chance to step back and really evaluate how we would like to move forward from this point.

After all, we can’t change the past we can only change what is happening right in front of us at this moment. Then, in turn, affect our futures.

Yes, I am struggling, that’s just life.

I am going to take this unbalanced season of my life and use it to shape the here and now. Finding my focus and putting everything I have into it. I may be swimming in a sea of doubt and uncertainty, but at least I’m not drowning yet.

There is always something to be thankful for.

❤ Sarah

Life Update

Let’s be real, I’m a terrible blogger.

Thank goodness I do this for myself and my own sanity, and not as a business!

I want to give a life updated since it has been so long. My lovely family and I are going from a family of three to a family of four!

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Robert and I haven’t decided if we are going to find out the gender or not. I know the control freak in some maybe going crazy, but really there aren’t a lot of surprises in life and it could be fun to have a surprise.

There is always the chance that we will find out…who knows!

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That was the happy update, the sad is that I recently lost my grandmother. She means the world to me and has done a lot to help me grow into the person I am. She taught me about saving money, working hard, being dedicated to my family and even telling me, very bluntly, what my talents weren’t. Her departure from this world has left a hole in my heart and soul.

She means the world to me and has done a lot to help me grow into the person I am. She taught me about saving money, working hard, being dedicated to my family and even telling me, very bluntly, what my talents weren’t. Her departure from this world has left a hole in my heart and soul.

Her departure from this world has left a hole in my heart and soul.

The way I talk and view death is difficult for some of my family and friends to understand and it has caused a few hiccups in coping.

There are moments that I have moved on and moments when I feel as though I can’t breathe and the world is zipping past me.

Because of this, I have had a hard time regaining my “life-balance,” which was on a thread to begin with.

I have put off writing since things have been so hectic, but I know that I need to express some emotion if I am to find my balance again.

Hopefully one day I will become a more consistent blogger, but for now, I am happy to just document my journey and see where it takes me.

❤ Sarah