Conflict

I haven’t lived on this earth long enough to know why things happen the way they do, but I learned enough in my 28 years of life to know I should never discount others feelings.

Recently I have been under so much stress with family and even with work that I forgot to act in love.

I thought that everything I did was kind and gentle, but I was wrong. My emotions, my tone, and even my body language did not display the love I have in my heart for everyone I meet.

At first, when this was pointed out to me I got defensive, but after reflecting I knew there had to be some value to the claim.

I’m not sure what caused me to hurt this person and I will continue to try to get to the bottom of it, but the main issue was that I didn’t show love and I didn’t show kindness.

Renee Swope has an amazing quote that I strive for daily: “I want to be a woman who overcomes obstacles by tackling them in faith instead of tiptoeing around them in fear.”

After the initial conversation with the individual, I inadvertently hurt I decided to go back to them and talk it out. I had no idea I was acting the way I was and I apologized for the way I acted. I also asked that they tell me if I do it again so I could be held accountable.

The underline problem I am still searching for. I am still not sure if there was something that triggered me to act this way or if I was just letting my stress out and it landed on them, These are the things I am still mulling over.

Conflict is always going to happen in life. That won’t change.

What can change, however, is how I handle it.

I am the kind of person that has to think about the conflict before I can find a solution and I have to make sure that I never present my case or my feelings while angry.

Every situation is different and how we handle these kinds of situations will be different, because we are all beautifully different! It is our differences that make us strong.

It is our differences that make us stronger.

When conflicts arise in life remember to think before speaking and remember that not everyone is like you, so the way you.

I’m happy that my coworker and I were able to move past this situation. Backing off and thinking helped me to see the validity of their statement and their concern and for that, I hope I was able to reverse how they saw me in that moment of conflict.

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❤ Sarah

Mistakes

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950)

I’m not perfect and honestly, no one is.

Go ahead you can admit it too!

Mistakes will happen and handling them can be a challenge.

I recently made a huge communication no-no by missing a  spelling error on a publication.

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To some, this may not seem like a big deal, but when it’s your boss sending out the documents and catching all the flak for the errors – it can feel like the whole world is crashing down on you in that moment.

I corrected the errors and sent out the correct documents, but that didn’t stop the crushing feelings that I had.

I failed.

The truth though is that my failure can be put behind me. Mistakes happen, they will always happen.

They happen at work, they happen in marriage, heck they even happen when we are trying to be a good parent.

It isn’t the mistake that defines us; it’s how we choose to overcome them.

I was raised to take responsibility for my mistakes. So I apologize for the mistake, I correct the mistake and I do my best to get my emotions in check, which is sometimes the hardest part – no one likes failing.

Really want I want to say is it’s totally fine to mess up, it’s a natural part of life. If we were all perfect we would be boring and we wouldn’t grow.

❤ Sarah

Struggling

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Recently, I have felt completely depleted and in all honesty I don’t know how I am going to handle this.

It is my own personal issue, yet when I try to discuss it with someone so I can talk my way through it, they always want to fix it for me.

It just shows how much my friends and family care, but they can’t fix it.

Life has a way of beating down on us and if life doesn’t get in the way – I do.

We have all heard the saying that “We are our own worse enemy.” It is true. How do we manage to take something simple and turn it into the most complicated issue on the face of the earth?

I’m a working mother who struggles.

  • I struggle with my appearance.
  • I struggle with my chores, which never seem to end.
  • I struggle to leave my son at daycare.

The struggles can go on and on.

Everyone has struggles and they’re not comparable because we are all at different places in our lives. Yet, we constantly compare our lives to that of others either to bring us down or to make us feel better about our life choices.

That is not how I want to live my life. I’m tired of comparing; it sucks the joy right out of life and makes me feel as though I am a failure. The reality is that I am doing my very best and my son and husband know that.

There is no solution to my struggles except for a change in the way I think (only I can control that) and to give my burdens over to my Abba Father.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalms 55:22

For those of you dealing with struggles today, just know you aren’t alone and do your best not to compare yourself to others. Find something that brings you joy and hang on to it. Do not be shaken, stand firm!

I will be hanging on to my little one tonight for he is a great joy to my soul!

Wishing you all the best,

❤ Sarah

Small Victories

Tobias is one of the pickiest eaters I have ever met, and I have met a lot!

Maybe it is because I never let him eat from my plate, or maybe that is just who he is. Either way, I find it to be extremely irritating.

I hear the same advice all the time, “he will eat when he is hungry.”

Yes, I know, but the trick is getting him something he will actually eat when he is hungry!

I have tried switching up meats for him to try, but that never seems to go well. Once he ate a chicken nugget and I was so thrilled I literally jumped up and down.

I looked like an idiot, but I didn’t care.

Guess what! He hasn’t eaten one since then. Of course, he will dip it in the ketchup and lick the ketchup off of the chicken, but he won’t bite into the chicken.

Toddlers!

Need I say more?

We go through the same routine every night when its time for dinner. He runs over to his chair, sits himself down and inspects his plate. Then he will point to each thing given to him and waits for me to tell him what they are.

I have never given him pork, simply because we don’t eat it often in our house, but this night was different and I served him a pork cutlet.

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So he started with his favorite item on the plate; ketchup.

Tobias points at it smiling and I say “that’s ketchup.”

He giggles and moves on.

He always points to the other items that aren’t meat first.I explain what each is as he smiles, but still nothing has gone into his mouth yet.

Finally he gets to the pork. The smile is gone from his face. He points at it and looks up at me.

“That’s pork.”

Now I seem to have gotten his attention. He is now really watching me. He inspects it further and then points again. And again I tell him its pork.

What does he do? He picks it up, smells it and then dips it in the ketchup.

I’m thinking well he we go again, another meal my child won’t eat.

Then it happens, the pork made it into this mouth, and it was the first thing he finished!

He consumed three servings of food that night!

The one thing I put on his plate that I thought he would eat, he ignored. Sorry sweet potatoes.

It isn’t much, but it is a small victory. After two months of him wanting nothing to do with the meals I prepared, he finally ate something!

His stomach was so full that you could see it popping out of his shirt!

Current Score: Tobias: 2,599 —Mom: 1

I’ll still take it!

One Day At A Time

Kids are great, but sometimes you can feel your sanity slipping away. For me, this is especially true when I should be asleep. Every parent can relate, I’m sure!

There is always something to be thankful for.

Last night was one of those nights where all my patience vanished.

Poor Tobias, I know he was tired, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. I tried everything: Rocking, walking with him, letting him cry it out etc.—nothing worked!

Just when I thought things were calming down he would wake back up. You know what I mean, right? You finally find that comfortable position and it’s like they know! As soon as I relaxed–BAM the crying started!

Now typically we would let him fall back asleep on his own, but he was keeping our neighbors awake (the downside to living in an apartment).

I lost my mind last night and parent guilt took over (and yes it truly is a thing).

“What if he is sick?” 

“What if he is teething?” 

“You can’t even calm your own child.”

All these things ran through my head along with…

“I just want sleep.”

“Oh my gosh child, just calm down.” 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” 

Tobias and I ended up on the couch around 4 am this morning, and finally he fell asleep. Soon after my alarm went off so that I could get everything ready for the day. I had no motivation to move. That is when I looked over at my sleeping, almost two-year-old and whispered “I am indeed blessed.” 

God made children cute for a reason people! So that when you are at your wits end they will do something that you can’t help but smile at. It’s like magic! You can have all your anger built up and then WHAM there is that cute smile and a hug and kiss. Melts my heart.

Parents you know what I am talking about!

Last night it was seeing him finally fall asleep and just knowing that I was entrusted with this strong-willed toddler for a reason. I was chosen to be his mother. And even thought I was sleep deprived I was still on duty.

Psalms 127:3-4 (NIV) “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.” 

The old cliché is true, we do have to take it one day at a time and even one moment at a time.

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 With each movement my heart grows a little bigger and my life is a little brighter.

Sarah

 

New Hobby

Life can be stressful.

That being said, it is important to try and have a hobby. Mine was writing short stories and any other form of creative writing, but it takes me a while before I get into the groove of writing. And with my rambunctious toddler, I can typically only dedicate 30 min or so to free writing.

We all know that its the last 5 minutes of free writing when you finally start getting into the real story. So I have sought out other hobbies to relax me and I believe I have finally found one. I will get back to writing soon though, but it is nice to have options.

What is this new hobby? I thought you would never ask. It’s painting! 

Unlike most children who get to enjoy art classes in school, I never really got into it. I attribute most of this to going to a private school who was limited on their art teacher choices, and the fact that I suck at drawing.

Oh well, I have discovered it now, and man does it feel great!

I am still extremely new to painting with acrylics, and  just completed my fourth painting, thanks to the use of Youtube tutorials. 🙂

I know I still have a lot to learn, but that is why I am so excited about this new hobby. I will be sure to post new images when I have them.

Here is my progress thus far (from oldest to newest):

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This is my first painting ever! I had a canvas laying around and just used some craft paint. I know its not any good, but it is what gave me my desire!
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Second painting. Went to a Paint Nite with some girlfriends and came back with this beauty. I know its not perfect, but I am still really proud of what I created with barely any knowledge.
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Third Painting using a tutorial from Youtube by The Art Sharpa. Painting is titled Girl in the Rain. Tutorial is linked below.
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Fourth painting also from a tutorial from The Art Sharpa for the Aurora Borealis. Tutorial linked below.

 

This is what I have been doing to keep my stress levels down. What do you do to handle stress?

Happy Tuesday!

 

❤ Sarah

Off My Game

There are days when things just happen to take me by surprise and then there are days that just throw off my whole world, or so it seems.

When times are tough I tend to live a very structured day. It helps me stay centered and allows me to feel as though I won’t float away. Then something happens and it derails me.

In my mind the train has come off the tracks and about to go over the edge. Some structure and planning is what helps me know it will all be okay.

Some people can just shake off plans changing, others can just adjust and most of the time I can too, but not this time.

My plans were to rely on someone and then they changed. I don’t tend to rely on many people so this really does stop me in my tracks. It makes me feel isolated or rather like I don’t matter enough. The feelings of broken promises and abandonment run ramped through me and I can’t stop all the thoughts that pour into my mind.

As a child, I was lied too quite a bit. It was never on purpose of course, but I didn’t learn that until I was older, but the impact all these broken promises and lies made on me is still evident in my everyday life.

I want to rely on others, but when it isn’t a constant I tend to feel as if I am the failure.

My struggle is deeper than it appears. I have become so use to only relying on myself that I forget to rely on God and I forget to open up about how I feel to my family. This leads to more struggles, more anger and more pain —all from one change in my plans.

Yes, I know to some this may seem crazy, and it isn’t always like this — honest. It just so happens that the season of life I am in with my family is a hard one and so the “small things” end up being the tear that just keeps widening, exposing all the other sensitive areas in my life.

Being aware of my issues is what helps me discover the real reasons as to why I react to things the way I do. It allows me to learn and grown into the woman that I know I am called to be.

After all, you can’t get to where you’re going, unless you know where you have been.