Introducing …

It is time our new addition makes her appearance. Robert, Tobias and I welcomed a beautiful and healthy baby girl in April.

Meet our Hailey!

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Hailey has been an excellent addition to our family and is as sweet as can be. I have put off this post for quite some time since I was struggling with my own well-being, so my Hailey Bug is almost 6 months old now.

She is honestly such a joy and is learning to find her voice. She adores her older brother, and he is smitten with her. In fact, Tobias is the one who got Hailey to laugh for the first time.

There are so many stories I could tell, but I think it may be better just to show some of her moments over the last few months.

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There will be more updates on Hailey and Tobias to come.

Each day I continue to discover my own heart and what the Lord has in store for me.

Love,

Sarah ❤

The Struggles of This Season

I’ve been silent for a while. Not just through this blog, but also in my life. It seems after my darling daughter was born things took an extreme turn in every aspect of life. But first I want to talk for a second about what has really been plaguing my mind, heart, and soul; postpartum depression.

I’m not clinical​ so I won’t waste time talking to you all about the chemical imbalance that I’m currently struggling with; instead, I want to talk about how this has affected every aspect of my world and the various stages that I see in myself.

Depression is different for each person, yes some of the symptoms are the same, but the reality is that the individual walks alone through their own journey and their family and friends walk a parallel journey next to the hurting person. I do not want to discredit the family and friends since depression does touch them, it is just in a different capacity.

So let me dive into my personal story and hopefully talking about it while helping launches me forward at least a few inches.


Late April my beautiful baby girl was born, we named her Hailey. The first few days I was utterly in awe and overwhelming tiredness. A toddler and a newborn are a lot to handle!

After about two weeks I went to visit my doctor to test my blood sugar and blood pressure since during the pregnancy my body had a hard time regulating. It was at that appointment that I talked to the doctor about my concern with postpartum depression.

Now, before you start applauding me for actually speaking up — please know that my husband admitted that I talk to the doctor right away. He noticed similar issues I had when Tobias was born, and I never spoke to anyone about my feelings. It was only due to him that I owned up and talked and told the truth for that matter.

I have prescribed medication, and I am not one to typically take medicine, but I had my family to think about. I had found myself unable to care for my children because I was too busy sleeping through their cries and screaming. After giving the medicine a good 48 hours in my system, I started to feel the effects.

To cut this story a tad shorter let’s move out a month.

After taking the meds for a month, the old signs started to rear their ugly head, and I began to find myself completely overwhelmed with life. During all of this I never once had a thought to harm myself or anyone else, so I just kept on with my journey.

Being at home with Hailey was more than I ever got with my son, so I enjoyed the snuggles, and everything else fell to the wayside.

Fast forward to July, and I started back at work. I came back to complete chaos as we had lost our boss and one of my best friends from our company and shortly after another member of our team left. Turnover is expected, but man did this force me back into reality, and the emotions began to overwhelm me once again.

I started to have a cynical look of myself, I lost complete confidence in who I was as a person and in some regards I am still struggling with my faith. It is now the beginning of October, and I am still struggling.

I went to visit with my primary care physician, and she raised concerns about how I viewed myself — especially the description of how I saw myself in the mirror. She changed my prescription and upped the dosage.

That change scared me. I don’t take medicine, and I was hoping to be off of mine as quickly as possible, so instead of making my prescription as directed I never picked it up.

The weights of my world started to rest heavy on my shoulders. Preparing for each day with two kids, going to a job where I struggle with my value and worth, dropping off each kid at a different location and then going home each night after picking up the kids and preparing dinner and prepping for the next day has wiped me out physically, emotionally and mentally. I find myself unable to withstand the thoughts that have crept into my mind.

I can’t do this anymore.
Everyone would be better off without me.
Why is it that I’m the target of so much pain?
I’m not good enough.

Now here is the truth — I know these are lies.

Satan wants me to start feeling sorry about who I am. If I feel bad about myself, then I can’t walk out Gods purpose.

As much as I don’t like medicine, it is there for my benefit. I’m not taking it because my doctor is telling me I should, I am taking it because over the time I have been without it, I have seen myself drift further away from who I am and who God has called me to be.

Each situation I am dealing with yes, is stressful, but the reality is that I am adding more stress than what is necessary.

Money is a problem and each time it comes up the stress of it makes me feel as though I have let my family down. The reality is that I don’t own anything — It is God’s and God will provide.

All of this is a round-a-bout way of saying I am not ok an that is ok. I have admitted my struggles, and now I am seeking help.

If you are struggling, please know you aren’t alone, and you owe it to yourself to seek out help from a loved one, from a friend and yes, even a medical professional.

Don’t Lose Your Joy

It’s inevitable that when you are content and happy with how life is going there is a curve ball thrown. Not only is it coming toward you — it’s coming to bowl you over. Just know, it’s ok to fall, but you have a choice of getting back up.

Throughout my pregnancy, things have been going extremely well other than once again dealing with gestational diabetes. My lovely baby is growing properly, I haven’t gained too much weight and everything is on track.

My curveball is that I may not be able to deliver my baby the way I intended with a VBAC, but there is also the possibility that I could. This is all due to the uncertainty of my gestational diabetes and the risks that come with prolonging my pregnancy. Unlike other moms who can wait until the baby is ready, that puts me and the baby at a great risk of complications.

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Talk about playing with a hormonal pregnant women’s emotions!

I’ve been working on being more present in life and to stop focusing on things I cannot control, this has gone a long way, I think, with my family and the amount of stress I have taken off of them because I have taken it off myself.

I have been enjoying all the small moments of each day, every laugh, every tickle fight and all the tantrums and stubbornness that teaches me that I am raising a strong-willed and caring toddler.

This strategy of slowing down has done so much for my anxiety as well and now I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. However, today’s doctors’ appointment almost ruined my mindset.

Not stressing out the future has been oddly freeing and I have embraced it these last few weeks. When I heard that there could be complications with my pregnancy after just hearing that I was doing so well, I felt the panic rise in my chest. It almost took root in my mind and I could feel the virus of stress wanting to take over.

Thankfully, this morning I remember hearing God say to me “be anxious for nothing, and pray about everything.”

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One of my goals this week was to find joy in every moment and his words I took as a reinforcement of that goal.

It is so true that Satan and life try to steal our joy. I have been so happy these last few weeks and that was a moment that could have destroyed it all, but I won’t let it.

I cannot control the future.

I cannot dictate when this baby will be born.

I cannot make my desires a reality.

But I can control who I give power to. 

Everything is better in God’s hands and as I come to terms with reality I am more comforted by His ability to be my protector, my healer, my Abba Father than I was this morning.

My faith in His ability will not wavier.

I will rejoice in the Lord always.

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Find joy in every moment and cling to the promises of God. Do not let anything steal your joy!

❤ Sarah